Monday, July 19, 2010

How To Survive: The Community Bathroom

bathroomImage by two stout monks via Flickr

One of the biggest parts of Bible College, or any school, is the dorm. There are many factors of dorm life, but today we are going to focus on how to survive the bathroom. This is quite possible the most crucial blog that I have written, because you are going to have to share a bathroom with a roommate. Let’s hope that is the only person you have to share a bathroom with, because there are some dorms where a floor of people have to share a bathroom.

There is nothing like sharing a bathroom with a community of thirty to forty people. I hope you never have to go through this, because I still have nightmares about community bathroom. I remember a time when a person pooped on the seat of the toilet in two out of three bathroom stalls! We never caught the person. It was this day that I decided never to use the community bathroom ever again and use the bathroom that somewhat hidden in the cafeteria. At least I was not sharing the bathroom with a community of thirty.

What school you go to and what year you are in determine the quality of the dorm you live in. If you are an upper classman you have a better chance of living in the dorms that have bath rooms you only share with your roommate, which is awesome because who likes to poop in a bathroom that has three or four stalls? You run the risk of pooping with three other people, and that is just gross. You might be able to stand your own brew but you should never have to put up with someone else’s brew.

You also run the risk of somebody using the middle stall and pooping next to you, and I have not met a person who likes pooping sitting next to someone. Be warned, there is always a person who will choose to use the middle stall even though the other end stall is open. You should never use the middle stall if the end stall is open. The only reason you should use a middle stall is if you are about to explode with pressure and you cannot wait any longer. That is it!

A person who sits in the middle stall usually likes to talk and poop. This move is frustrating for the person who is trying to do their thing in peace and quiet. I’m not sure why middle person likes to talk. Maybe they are nervous and feel like they have to make a conversation, but it is okay if you are not a Chatty Cathy. This does not need to be an awkward situation, but middle stall person, this is what happens when you want to get to know your floor mates when you poop.

I hope I did not have anybody gag and throw up and get a little bit of bile in their mouth but that is what happens in Bible College. If you have a community bathroom, just make sure you do not have a wide stance. We can all learn from a former United States Senator. Just Google senator who had a wide stance, and I promise the story will turn up. It may or may not be the first result that shows up.

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