How To Survive: The Laundry Room

Image via Wikipedia The Community Laundry Room may seem like a normal place. What could be so crazy about a laundry room? A laundry room is a battlefield in Bible College. People will fight and spit at you just to get a washer and dyer.

If you never lived in a dorm room you may be wondering what happens in a laundry room in a dorm? Does a Bible College type gang wander to and fro skipping and slapping as they flash their gang signs? Is it dangerous after night fall because of twilight type vampires? Well as awesome as having twilight vampires in a laundry room it is nothing like that.

Now several things happens in a laundry room that makes it such a cut throat place. First off the cause of the problem is the people who forget their clothes in the washing machine and the people who steal other peoples laundry soap.

This might come as a shock that Bible College students steal laundry soap from other students. Bible College students don't ask other people to use their laundry soap. I'm not sure why they don't ask maybe they assume that Jesus would share his laundry soap and so should everybody else.

Now don't forget about the people who wash their clothes and then forget them all day in the washing machine. At my college there were about seventy five guys to six washing machines. So if people forget their clothes in the washing machine all day, then it takes up valuable washing machine real estate.

The other problem with forgetting your clothes in the washing machine is your clothes become moldy (I mean so moldy that it is like the everglades swamp in the washing machine)and then you have to keep washing them over and over again. It becomes an endless cycle!

The laundry room does not have to be such a dangerous and cut throat place. I think all Bible College student should take a look at their WWJD bracelets and ask WWJDWWC (What Would Jesus Do When Washing Clothes). Okay that was a bad joke but does anyone still wear those?

How To Survive: The Community Bathroom

Image by two stout monks via Flickr

One of the biggest parts of Bible College, or any school, is the dorm. There are many factors of dorm life, but today we are going to focus on how to survive the bathroom. This is quite possible the most crucial blog that I have written, because you are going to have to share a bathroom with a roommate. Let’s hope that is the only person you have to share a bathroom with, because there are some dorms where a floor of people have to share a bathroom.

There is nothing like sharing a bathroom with a community of thirty to forty people. I hope you never have to go through this, because I still have nightmares about community bathroom. I remember a time when a person pooped on the seat of the toilet in two out of three bathroom stalls! We never caught the person. It was this day that I decided never to use the community bathroom ever again and use the bathroom that somewhat hidden in the cafeteria. At least I was not sharing the bathroom with a community of thirty.

What school you go to and what year you are in determine the quality of the dorm you live in. If you are an upper classman you have a better chance of living in the dorms that have bath rooms you only share with your roommate, which is awesome because who likes to poop in a bathroom that has three or four stalls? You run the risk of pooping with three other people, and that is just gross. You might be able to stand your own brew but you should never have to put up with someone else’s brew.

You also run the risk of somebody using the middle stall and pooping next to you, and I have not met a person who likes pooping sitting next to someone. Be warned, there is always a person who will choose to use the middle stall even though the other end stall is open. You should never use the middle stall if the end stall is open. The only reason you should use a middle stall is if you are about to explode with pressure and you cannot wait any longer. That is it!

A person who sits in the middle stall usually likes to talk and poop. This move is frustrating for the person who is trying to do their thing in peace and quiet. I’m not sure why middle person likes to talk. Maybe they are nervous and feel like they have to make a conversation, but it is okay if you are not a Chatty Cathy. This does not need to be an awkward situation, but middle stall person, this is what happens when you want to get to know your floor mates when you poop.

I hope I did not have anybody gag and throw up and get a little bit of bile in their mouth but that is what happens in Bible College. If you have a community bathroom, just make sure you do not have a wide stance. We can all learn from a former United States Senator. Just Google senator who had a wide stance, and I promise the story will turn up. It may or may not be the first result that shows up.

Welcome to Bible College

Image via Wikipedia

When I say the word Bible college many thoughts come to your mind. If you are a former Bible college student, a flood of memories are probably rushing to your mind right now the great times with friends, learning, the boring chapel services, and the rules that did not make sense to anyone but the administration of the school. If you went to a bible college, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Now if you never attended a Bible college, or have never gone to church, you might be considering never reading this blog again because you do not want to be brain washed by some weird follower of Jerry Falwell or a nut job who comes your door and talk about Jesus and share some “kool-aid”. If I were you I would close that door in my face and pour that kool-aid down the drain. But since I’m not going to ask you about your religious beliefs, and I’m not offering you kool-aid because that might break my budget, give the blog a chance and keep reading!

What can I say, you normally will not make a lot of money with a B.A. in Religion from a Bible college, and if you go to a Bible college you might not aspire to make a lot of money. I cannot speak for the televangelist who ruin good TV air time. “God wants you to give me your money”! I promise I am not after your money just your soul. I’m just kidding. The only thing I want is to tell my story and hope that you like it so you can tell your friends to read the blog and buy my homemade Sharpe t-shirts so I can take their money and they can advertise the blog for me.

In all seriousness I want you to sit back and enjoy this blog. Some of you might connect well with your bible college experiences and laugh. For others who have not attended bible college you should be warned you are about to experience the inner workings of a bible college. Once you know those truths you can never go back to normal living. Make sure you are absolutely ready to read this blog because if you do then you might enjoy the humor and ridiculousness that makes a bible college. Every week I will be posting a new blog about surviving Bible College.

-Shane Milne